Diary of a Peach

Good Woman, Cat Power

Annalisa — Tue, 09 Nov 2010 20:54:54 +0000

“I want to be a good woman
And I want, for you to be a good man.
This is why I will be leaving
And this is why, I can see you no more.
I will miss your heart so tender
And I will love
This love forever

I don’t want to be a bad woman
And I can’t stand to see you be a bad man
I will miss your heart so tender
And I will love
This love forever
And this is why I am leaving
And this is why I can see you no more
This is why I am lying when I say
That I don’t love you no more

Cause I want to be a good woman
And I want for you to be a good man”

Good Woman, Cat Power (Album: You Are Free)

Thanks for saying what I can’t say.

Honesty killed the cat

Annalisa — Tue, 09 Nov 2010 07:32:55 +0000

Isn’t it funny that we are compelled to be honest to those we care about the most? Sometimes, I think they deserve our lies. The problem is, people are honest because it’s in their own best interest. Lying makes us feel bad, so we’re honest, even when we make the recipient of our honesty unhappy. What’s the utilitarian perspective on that?Is truth telling a selfish act in cases in which the truth “sets us free [from guilt]“?

My other question is this: does love at first sight exist, or is it simply a destructive fantasy?

These two thoughts may seem disjointed, but delving any further would be too personal for such a public form of expression. I’m just looking for some objective insights.

And, to B.A. Frost– Please, don’t give up on me yet. Je veux parler avec toi, si tu plait.

Alexander Frost

Annalisa — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 23:27:41 +0000

Mr. Frost,

I think of you often– more often than you imagine, if you even imagine me at all these days. Our story was brief to be sure, but it has left a lasting impression on me. Why I chose to disappear, I can't remember; but I wish I hadn't been such a fool. The "what if"s are the worst part of it all. What if we had gone on a picnic? What if we had gone off the deep end together?

It could have been something. I apologize.

I can only hope my name weasels it's way into your subconscious some day.

My red string is tied securely to my big toe– give your end a tug; I'll let you know if I feel it.

On again, off again

Annalisa — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 14:26:25 +0000

As you may have noticed my blogging has been sporadic. Who knows, perhaps it will continue to be so. However, I am going to make a conscious effort to blog more instead of pissing away time doing other things. If nothing else, I've declared myself as an English major– the least I can do is try and write on a daily basis (or more realistically a couple of times a week). Don't worry, I'll try and pick interesting topics. I'll save the bitching and moaning for my friends and family and spare you the boredom/offense.

New blog tomorrow. I've got class– academic class; in no way would I be considered classy by conventional standards.

Cheers.

The effort of unfriending.

Annalisa — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 15:43:38 +0000

Now, personally I would never go through the effort of “unfriending” someone from facebook or myspace. In my opinion, it is petty and a waste of time. You know why? Because it proves that you really *do* care. If you really don’t care, just ignore. Simple as that.

So, in the simplest terms: I am laughing at you. I realize I am just as much to blame, because I happened to notice that you “unfriended me”. But, it’s still somewhat pathetic.

Breakups are tough shit. But you made this pretty easy.

Happy Valentine’s Day.

Ha, who the hell are you people?

Annalisa — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 15:10:16 +0000

…So, I finally figured out how to track the hits I get on this site a day. Holy shit, guys. I mean.. I was expecting binary numbers. Zeros and ones. But seriously, forty hits a day?

Which leads me to my next question..

Who are you?

I mean, thus far in my posting… I’ve posted about *nothing*. Mostly because I’m lazy. What could you possibly be reading about? I saw some hits via facebook. Predictable. Fuckers.

Well, I guess I’ll start trying to be funny and write about real shit.

Seriously though, who the fuck are you people?

The Way I Feel Inside, by The Zombies

Annalisa — Sun, 10 Feb 2008 15:19:14 +0000

Should I try to hide
The way I feel inside
My heart for you?
Would you say that you
Would try to love me too?
In your mind could you ever be
Really close to me?
I can tell the way you smile
If I feel that I could be certain then
I would say the things
I want to say tonight

But till I can see
That you’d really care for me
I will dream that someday you’ll be
Really close to me
I can tell the way you smile
If I feel that I could be certain then
I would say the things
I want to say tonight

But till I can see
That you’d really care for me
I’ll keep trying to hide
The way I feel inside

meat is MURDER.

Annalisa — Fri, 08 Feb 2008 10:39:07 +0000

Why I chose to go veggie.

The story starts out with two stoner girls driving somewhere. I have no recollection of where we were going, but my best friend and I were driving around (probably around Broadripple) on a sunny summer’s day. Anyway, I should probably preface this story with this: Abigail (my best friend) aspires to own a piglet one day named Jasper. She wants to teach Jasper how to cuddle, and they’ll be best friends. Cute, right? Well, on that summer’s day we happened to pass a truck transporting livestock– pigs, no less! And of course, Abigail and I fawn over the Little Jaspers for a few seconds… before we realize that those poor little piggies are (more than likely) going to a slaughterhouse. That was a sad Epiphany.

That was almost a year ago, and I haven’t had meat since. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Why YOU should go veggie.

Yes, I realize that humans have evolved as carnivores. This is not news to me. However, we have also evolved to be critical thinkers and rational beings. Seeing as how we really don’t *need* meat to survive, I can’t understand people who are still carnivorous. And not only do we continue to kill animals for our own personal gain, we kill them INHUMANELY. Slaughterhouses are the most revolting product of humanity, in my opinion. We routinely slaughter hundreds of thousands of animals (that were born and raised in a tortured environment) so that we can have Whoppers and Big Macs and fucking Chalupas. Human beings are selfish, inconsiderate monsters. And I am, too. I’m not claiming to be an angel. The things I do in my daily life, in some way or another, will probably hurt other living organisms. Driving a car: kills lots of bugs, pollutes the environment, road construction annihilated thousands of animals’ habitats, etc… But aside from becoming Amish, there isn’t much I can do about that. I live my life in a practical way, but I do everything in my power to keep from participating in animal cruelty. Not eating meat is my best defense; and I know that my single-handed efforts are barely making a ripple in the ocean, but it makes me feel better knowing that I’m not supporting or taking part in actions I do not (and will not ever) agree with.

Seeing as how you refuse to speak to me, maybe you’ll come across this explanation some day and feel like a prick.

Annalisa — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 13:49:54 +0000

Dear you,
You are a very selfish, manipulative, inconsiderate, controlling, and insecure person. I cared about you in spite of that. It’s too bad for you I ran out of patience. And apparently it’s too bad for me, seeing as how you could’ve cared more about chewed gum plastered to the sidewalk than you cared about me. Here is how I came to these conclusions:
1. You demand 100X more attention than you could ever dream of giving anyone else.
2. You expect things to be done for you.
3. You made more of an effort brushing your teeth in the morning than you did when it came to our relationship (except for that one occasion with the rose, of course. But I’m focusing on the negatives now, as usual.)
4. YOU REFUSED TO TRUST ME. That’s the kicker. This is the one that ultimately led to our demise.
5. You also refused to believe a word I said.
6. You falsely accused me on multiple occasions of participating in scandalous behavior.
7. You were "done" with our relationship about 27 times (while intoxicated), and then took in back when you reached sobriety.
8. You were never satisfied with me.

In other words, fuck you.

[This is the part I'd rather not include.... but I have to give both sides]
….And in spite of all those things I said just then, I have never cared about anyone more than I did for you. Here is how I came to this conclusion:
1. I got butterflies every single time we kissed.
2. I wanted to cry every time you played me the guitar.
3. I did cry every time we were "done". Sorry I never told you… I was just always afraid that maybe it would be true.
4. I’m crying now.
5. I hate falling asleep without you.
6. I hate waking up without you.
7. I hated myself every time you were angry with me, even when I hadn’t done anything wrong.
8. I hate that I find it impossible to comfort you despite my feverish efforts.
9. More often than not, I felt compassion towards you when you were controlling rather than anger , because I know you couldn’t help but worry about me. I always thought it was sweet.
10. I just wanted to kiss you every single time you smiled.
11. I’ll never forget a word that was said while we were in bed.
12. Black kitchen appliances and snakes will always remind me of you.
13. Grocery shopping will remind me of you.
14. You give the softest kisses I’ve ever known.
15. You made me crazy… because all I ever wanted was for you to know how much I loved you and how much I appreciated you and how much I did for you and how much you mean to me.

16. I worried about you just as much as you worried about me, if not more. I just never said anything because I knew at the end of the day I was yours and you were mine, and that was enough for me.

17. The thought of you bringing another girl home to sleep in your bed makes tears well up in my eyes.

You were the only reason for me to stick around this place. I’m sorry that I couldn’t be perfect for you, but I tried. I’m sorry I wouldn’t cater to your every whim, but it’s not in my nature. I’m sorry we pushed each other away. But in all honesty, I think you pushed me away because you wanted me to leave. I think living single is your ideal lifestyle, but it tends to conflict with your unwavering need to feel loved and adored. I’m not sure what to do with you, or what to make of our relationship.

I dread the thought of you replacing me, or falling for another girl. But I know it’s inevitable. I just hope you’re still single when I move home… maybe some time apart will help us both figure out what the fuck we want and why we couldn’t make it work the first time. Maybe we got too close too fast. Maybe we were both just desperate to find love. Whatever the case may be, I’m attached to you and there’s nothing I can do about it now.

You might be the worst thing that’s ever happened to me. Because if I can’t win you back in May, losing you will be the biggest regret of my life.

All my love,
me.

p.s. I’ll work out my mexi-butt while I’m gone. If all else fails, it will be my not-so-secret weapon.

Keeping you company.

Annalisa — Fri, 25 Jan 2008 10:55:16 +0000

I’m happy to know that I could keep you company.
and that I could help you pass the time.

Too bad that was all I was good for.
Distraction.
Some people dissociate with alcohol.
Some with drugs.
But you chose me.

You are selfish.
Vain.

In reality you do not match that pretty picture you painted for me.
Maybe if I throw up all over that pretty canvas it would mirror you better.

Actually, I think I’ll just throw it away.